4 Solid Reasons Why You Need A Winter Beard
It's that time of year again. The days are getting shorter, the cold is creeping in and you're late for work most mornings because you have to defrost your windshield. When winter is coming, it helps to have a face warmer with you at all times. Here's why:
1. It Keeps Your Face Warm
The most obvious benefit of having a beard in winter. It's freezing. Bloody freezing. So when you're lounging around late at night in your hot tub, you need something there to keep your face warm. They don't call it a face-warmer for no reason.
2. It Keeps You Safe From Bears
People make the same mistake every winter: 'there's no danger of Bears, they're hibernating because it's cold'. Those people get eaten. Why? As you can see in the picture, bears are still out and about in winter. If you've got a big bushy beard covering your face, you'll be safe as the bears will mistake you for one of their own.
3. It Keeps Your Hands Busy
When it's absolutely Baltic outside, you're less likely to want to go out exploring. Therefore, in winter you're spending more time indoors. This in turn means you'll be spending a lot more time sat around, trying to find something to do. Don't know what to do with your hands? Stroking your beard is a great pass-time activity. You're never bored with a beard.
4. It Contains Vital Supplies
Nowadays (unless you're Donald Trump and think it's not real), Global Warming is throwing some pretty sketchy weather patterns out there at us. This means flash snowstorms can strike at any time. Ask yourself - if you get snowed in, could you survive? If you've got a beard, you can. Over the course of its life, your beard catches crumbs and bits of food, which research shows (based on the average beard) can sustain you for up to three days*.
*May be a made up study
Good luck out there, beardsmen. I look forward to seeing your winter beards over on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.